you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
