we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
