a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
