Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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