Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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