I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
