the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
