I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
