When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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