I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
