At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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