I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
