I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
