Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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