One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
