What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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