If i could tip my vagina, i would.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
