I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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