Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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