i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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