Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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