speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she smelled like a LAN party
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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