We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
