You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
