So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
