im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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