Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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