So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
