All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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