What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
