She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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