My room smells like vodka and shame
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
