: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
