you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
