i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we're so committed to being not committed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How naked do you want me to be?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
