He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
