i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
