Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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