I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
