hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
