I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A+ Viking dick
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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