I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
