i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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