ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
