How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
