Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
