Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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