So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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