screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
