I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
