My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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