You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
