woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
