If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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