is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
