I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
