Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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