JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
