Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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