i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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