Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
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He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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