he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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